I resisted every advance, but I enjoyed that he was advancing.
The attraction to his arms, was instant.
At first it was easy to say no.
He said he knew I wanted to be with him.
I didn't want him to be with anybody else.
I made deals with him I knew I couldn't keep.
He wished he had kept me a secret.
I discovered love can be a mental illness. Limerence, not love. Love is not always sacred or meaningful. Sometimes it is used as a form of self deprecation - self abuse.
It was short lived, but if I could choose to forget one relationship this would be it.
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| Image courtesy of Wordporn |
When one of my girlfriends told me that he had betrayed me, I didn't believe her at first.
I broke my own rules to be with him. I ignored the warning signs. I made excuses for him and pretended things that mattered, didn't. Who betrayed who?
The hardest lesson of my betrayal was self forgiveness. The reward was grace.
This love story is really about my girlfriend that was brave enough to tell me the ugly truth. I still love her.
Have you ever had to pay the price of betrayal?
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The A to Z challenge. My theme and links to all 26 Greatest loves of my life.
Betrayal of another kind, yes. Not this.
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard lesson emotion to deal with in any form.
DeleteThose were Straight from the heart lines
ReplyDeleteYes self forgiveness does help !
Good luck for the rest of the challenge !
Hi Afshan, It's tough to forgive your own mistakes. Thankfully my heart is healed and still functioning :)
DeleteHi Ida,
ReplyDeleteWishing he had kept you a secret kinda says it all. Betrayal is painful and we can choose to believe it's not true. Yet that ugly truth conveyed to you by your girlfriend has done you a favour in the long run. You are, no doubt a better person for it.
Betrayal left me a shattered man. So many questions and no answers. So I had a good look at myself and understood that I had done nothing wrong. Life can be a mystery. When my wife got pregnant for a second time and I wasn't the father to the child, you work it out from there.
Have a peaceful weekend, my lovely friend.
Gary
I read recently that as many as 10% of children in Britain aren't related to their fathers (unbeknownst to them) Betrayal in any form is painful, particularly the no fault type. I would have to add betrayal of parents abandoning (or in some cases killing) their children or betrayal of a government to it's people are amongst the worst. Sometimes there is no blame, in my case I was foolish enough to believe my own denial of the truth. Having said all of that I will also add that sometimes we need to betray another person in order to stay true to ourselves. I'm glad my friend betrayed her friends to let me know the truth - it didn't feel good at the time but it certainly did make me a better person in the long run.
DeleteI've never been betrayed, so to speak. However, I did have a self-deprecating relationship. He was a bad boy, and bad for me. I look back and wonder why I was ever with him. Maybe it was just to feel rebellious, I dunno? Either way, it made me realize that I didn't like that kind of guy, and I was better off without him or anyone like him. So, really, I guess it was a learning experience. As long as we remember the bad, and learn from our mistakes, it should always make us a better person.
ReplyDeleteJamie Dement (LadyJai)
My A to Z
Caring for My Veteran
You hit the nail on the head Lady Jai... It was because of this bad boy that I didn't even recognise The Captain as my good guy when I first met him... It took knowing what I didn't want to recognise what I did want :)
DeleteGlad you are out of it.....been betrayed...I think. I knew what kind of a person he is long after I moved out of the relation..I stayed in it for no reason.
ReplyDeleteIda, to your comment on the soy granules...if you get soy chunks, then buy them..boil, drain water, squeeze then pulse them in the food processor...your granules are ready :)
I think there is always a reason we stay in it or get involved in the first place, good or bad I think we stay in relationships because we feel we are gaining something - (even if the nothings outweigh the somethings) Glad you are out of it too... Thanks for the soy tip.
DeleteI'm your newest A-Z follower, and it's nice to meet you. Ironically, I, too, used the word vent for V, and I, too, mentioned how I met my husband. Our love stories didn't end the same, but I did have one much like yours years before I met my current husband. Of course he tried to deny everything, but it was kind of hard since he came home drunk and with the other woman's name tattooed on his arm. Oh well. I have forgiven myself for that mistake, and I was able to move on, and through that path I met my current husband who has now been my best friend for a couple of decades. If tapping to make that first mistake put me where I was so that I could meet the love of my life, I guess I'd do it over again. :-) There was quite a gap in between though, and I didn't want to date at all. That's probably why I wasn't very polite to my husband when I met him, but he changed that real quick. :-)
ReplyDeleteWe learned from our mistakes, and life does get better. Have a good day, Ida.
Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com
G'day debi o'neille and welcome aboard. The tattoo would have sent me in a spiral, but it least it wasn't crabs or something worse that you have to carry the scars of. As much as I would choose this episode to forget if I had a choice to forget one relationship, I don't regret a single minute of it. I know that feeling of never wanting to date at all - and I too have taken that pain out on other people, but in the long run it all worked out.... I was far too stubborn for The Captain to change anything quickly, but 11 years later I finally saw the light - thanks for sharing your story debi... until next time
DeleteIt must have been hard for your friend to go through. Even harder to admit out loud.
ReplyDeleteNana Prah
She's a tough cookie...
DeleteI dunno I have been re miss in commentig and short on time throughout the whole atoz but I want you to know I read every last 1 of these because I get them through email.....I love this theme and I really think yours has been one of my favorites this year.
ReplyDeleteI have been both re miss and short of time... I've read most of yours the same way too, but my email also seems to be playing up or i'm doing something weird to it by switching between phone and computer - nevertheless i feel your presence and feel like I have won an award (better than any Leibster) just because you have enjoyed reading my posts - thanks Zoe
DeleteOh yes. Betrayal regardless of what end your on is an ugly business. One that has after effects and ripples for a long time afterward; that you never could have foreseen.
ReplyDeleteand so it goes... though I really do believe some betrayers are so caught up in their own narcissistic worlds they don't even see, or feel, the ugly side of it. When or if they face their retribution or karma I am sure they don't connect the dots... "better to have loved and lost then never loved at all" I guess :)
DeleteBetrayal in any form is harsh and hard to forget, glad you moved on and found someone more special :)
ReplyDelete