Writing helps me.

Registering for the A-Z challenge has already changed my perspective. I've gone from total avoidance to -  I can't wait till the 1st of April to start writing.  I just now figured out now - I don't have to wait!

I started this blog 3 years ago, and have managed to ignore it so well that I stopped feeling the guilt about not pursuing it further, and even thought I forgot it existed on my 'to do' list.

There seems to be lots of 'unwritten' rules about blogging, and so many options it all became too hard/boring/useless - I couldn't be bothered... There has also been a hefty dose of self criticism about the value of my words and thoughts.  It's one thing for someone to approach me for access to my own stories thoughts and feelings but is it egotistical to put them out there for everybody to read, most of all the people I know?

If other people can do it, I know I can too, but is it necessary?  Hasn't it all been said and done before? What if I succeed and have to do book tours and be recognised,  I'll have to lose weight and buy more new clothes...  ramble ramble ramble *gets off track - forgets blog*

3 years of ignoring it meant 3 years of self harassment. The load has suddenly become lighter.

I forgot that I started it just because I wanted to write - do what you love and the money will follow, right? I used to write a journal in my twenties and no longer cringe at the cringeworthy bits, I love them. I never knew what I needed, but I knew how I wanted to feel and I'm on the right track. By my standards I'm doing better than expected.  Writing helped me get here.

Now I'm living in a foreign country it's not easy to communicate myself while trying to grasp a new language, but in some ways it's easier, you can't hide behind a wall of spoken words, you have to listen. You have to do, rather than say.  Body language and expressions speak volumes, and so do other people if you let them.

I've had a lot of time to reflect, now I'm ready to share.