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Amongst other things, this is a love story.... the theme changes occasionally... this year it is fitness and learning to love yourself.

28 April 2014

26 Greatest loves of my life - Let's call them...sounds like X's #atozchallenge

Wow we are at X already.

This journey through the Greatest loves of my life started with an idea to write about all my ex boyfriends... so this is an ode to my eXes.

Somewhere between my childhood loves and greatest love all, I found writing about my exes tedious. I had to find other things to write about, like my dog, career, mum, dad and the world around me... but I did manage to clear up at least one remaining wound - so I'm claiming a victory.

There are plenty of people that got no mentions. Some I dated once (possibly the best night of my life.) Some lasted a Summer (or two) like a repeated holiday romance...

I can't remember how many times I have been proposed too.  The two earliest proposals were from guys I didn't even consider my boyfriends - I can't even remember their names - so they didn't get a mention either.

It used to annoy me that guys wanted to marry me. It made me feel less sexy. I didn't appreciate attracting marrying kinds when I was wild about the lead singer of the local club's band... and all he wanted was my friend.

I once believed I could die of a broken heart.  I still don't really understand what compels some young women to chase after bad boys, when all we really desire is a good guy. What I do understand is that women want to be loved... and men want to love them.  The second we start trying to force someone to make us feel how we want to feel - something is wrong.

Growing up I realised the pain I felt in the past was not caused by my exes but my own ego. The pain of a defeated ego doesn't compare to the pain of loss. The loss of beloved family members (including pets) and friends to accidents, suicide and illness.

It is true that each of my exes is still a part of me.  I remember kisses, lingering touches, places we visited and moments of truth with all of them... (I am aware that they remember too) Some of my exes I want to forget, some I want only the best for and at least one I know of, will just have to settle for what's best for them.


I'm just so glad I have never been married.

Why do you think some people have lots of relationships and others marry their first loves?
Is living together as big a commitment as marriage? Is it necessary to get married? If not for love than what are the other benefits of marriage? Why did you decide to marry?  If you have been married twice or more,  what made you decide to marry again?

I'm asking these questions because I have a hard time understanding why people do it.

I still do believe in love that lasts a lifetime. If mariage wasn't an expectation (and didn't save you money on taxes and insurance or help with visa applications) would you do it again and why?  


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Read more about:

 The A to Z challenge.  My theme and links to all 26 Greatest loves of my life.

P.s if you are on my email list - sorry about all the updates... I had no idea what direction this post was heading in when I started it.  


  1. Hi Ida - before I forget - there'll be a post on an Ida - don't get too Xcited - it's not about you .. But will be a fun one ...

    Re love lives - made a fatal mistake with one .. Just never went that route again, but I'm pretty independent and who knows what the future holds ... So glad you're happy though and you've lived life to the full - cheers Hilary

    1. I understand not going that route again and leaving future options open. I look forward to your Ida post :)

  2. I probably wouldn't. Men are too controlling or I'm too independent. I'm working on my second marriage.


  3. My greatest love and I never married before his death. We had plans, but it would have somehow affected his refugee status so we opted not to. No matter. He wouldn't/couldn't have meant any more to me if we had. Really the biggest advantage would have been financial, but Im glad we weren't reduced to that in the end. Sustaining that particular loss I dont see it in the cards ever again.

    I have had a few exes and like you wish them all the best, but none would make me decide pro or con on the marriage question.

  4. I occasionally think about the one girl that got away, but most of my exes are in the past and I don't dwell on them.

    As to marriage, well, some of us aren't meant to be married.

  5. ***shruggging*** Maybe we should just give without expectations.

    You won my blog contest. Message me on Facebook with how you would like a copy of Secondhand Shoes and your mailing address.

    Hugs and chocolate!

  6. Ooh, this is my first visit to you in the a-z challenge and yours is such a juicy topic, I'm going to have to go through it all when i have time.

    Marriage really makes no sense to me intellectually, except to save on taxes and perhaps to make things slightly easier for children, but it's still hard for me to not get bowled over at the idea that someone thinks he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

  7. Hi, Ida. I married my high school sweetheart and stayed with him. Raised our children together and now we are in retirement. We married for love, stayed committed for the family, and have a deep friendship that works well for us. It hasn't been perfect and there were times we weren't sure we were still a couple. But we stayed the course, and now glad we did.

  8. I missed reading you for quite sometime. I was ill. Btw, this post of yours read my mind precisely. Every word of it, i could correlate. I am not married yet, someday I want to find a true love, i may get married or not I don't know but I want to settle up with one person for rest of my life... then again the wild me says.. stop kidding you can't :P

    ~S(t)ri Writes

  9. I married my first love - my first boyfriend :) I was already in my mid twenties and by that time I was pretty sure I would never fall in love and will have to bow in to an arrage marriage. It was then I fell in love and then fought the world to get married. Maybe because I was determined to spend the rest of my life with him. And to be honest, marriage sounds more secure :)